As Christians we are experiencing a full-on frontal assault against who you are and what you believe. Unfortunately, the media is more than simply complicit in this attack, in that the judgmentalism of the world in general has lumped us all in with the clowns of the Westboro Baptist church and has chosen to ascribe evil intent to all of our activities. If that were not enough to deal with, we are also all too familiar with the wounds of rejections, betrayal, abuse and abandonment of those who are supposed to care about us, and I’m not even talking about the traumas imposed by accidents, injuries, natural disasters, business failures or debilitating diseases.

Our normal expectation is that in response to the wounds, the harassment, the abuse, the reproach and the inhumane treatment is that we should forgive and let it all go. It is an un-alterable mandate of Christ for us to do so - he will forgive us if we refuse to forgive those who intentionally or unintentionally hurt us. The crux of the problem is that's all the church has taught us and as a result forgiveness has mistakenly become equated with healing, not that it doesn't happen occasionally, but occasionally doesn't cut when you've lived a life of abuse.

Many have been obedient to that belief and found it wanting, for they have forgiven and forgiven yet when they meet the offender in the market the hurt unexpectedly arises again. This is because their assumption has been that their forgiveness is somehow incomplete, otherwise they would feel nothing. What's wrong?

There are a couple of things you need to know that will help you in your recovery from the wounds of the world;

1. Times does not heal all wounds. It only helps you forget what's killing you.
2.  The act of extending forgiveness is not ratified by your emotions. Neither will it vindicate you. In other words, you are not going to automatically feel better by your choice to forgive beyond whatever self-satisfaction you can derive from being obedient.
3. This is perhaps the biggest one; Forgiveness is not, in and of itself, healing. You can't get healed of a wound without it, but it is seldom accompanied by healing.
4. The act of prayer (taking our wounds to the Lord) is not only advisable, but is certainly cathartic if you allow it.

In Isaiah 61:1 we see the complete provision for healing wounds; the spirit of the Lord comes to "bind up the broken heart(ed)."  Once the prerequisite for healing (forgiveness) has been pronounced the Holy Spirit becomes available to you for healing in this second phase of the healing process. This "second phase" of the healing process is usually accomplished in the company of another believer who can help you engage with Holy Spirit personally and can act as an informal guide for the process.

This is the New Testament version of the priest before God acting on behalf of His people and I believe is the function of each one of us. The work of the priest is obviously more effective (not to mention efficient) if he or she has some specific tools to use in your behalf in the healing process.

I believe that people can and should be prodded to do what even they know they should do. As parents, we must be mindful that there is a fine line between encouraging and badgering, and unfortunately, the difference is solely in the mind of the one needing the push. The old adage, "You can only do what you can do" is true when we are left to our own devices. We are all well aware of how unsuccessful meetings are with people who have been forced to go to them, but by the same token, we are also aware of successes for those who relented even after of being shamed into it. It is always more helpful when you want help because then you are willing to do whatever it takes to get out of the hole you are in.​

Having said that, my wife and I had to do an intervention for our youngest. He wanted to do the right thing for himself, but he seemed to be absolutely frozen, unable to make the decision to do what he knew he needed to do. So grabbing him by the scruff of the neck and marching him out of the circumstances he was in was a big help for him ... and us.
I believe that one of the major things that the enemy is after with people today is to produce voluntary isolation. When we hit a rough patch in life we retreat from people. When we are alone with our own thoughts for an extended period of time the enemy is able to get us to believe all sorts of trash, which in time will turn into gross deception capable of destroying our lives. Clinicians have discovered that the number one motivation behind drug addiction is the loss or lack of connection with people, and I believe it is probably the same thing which results in depression and anxiety (with some significant help from the enemy.) The only response coming from the medical community is to immediately medicate it, which has spawned a multi-billion dollar drug industry, which isn’t really interested in getting people well because that would reduce profits. So perhaps instead of pushing people to counseling and medication, we should be much more interested in creating opportunities for socialization.

I have just completed a book on fear entitled The Enemy Within. One morning I asked the Lord to talk to me about fear since it had been on my mind a lot lately. His response surprised me. He said, "I'd rather talk to you about courage."  Then again, to my surprise, what He spoke was all about (in the context of courage) was our ability and our responsibility to choose, intimating that what seems to have been lost for this generation is the "moxy, the fortitude, the courage to fight, to make a choice" regardless of the circumstances. It seems that this generation is more easily overwhelmed by their emotions than any of the previous ones. Arthur Burk has called this the Mercy season (using his Redemptive Gift terminology) which indeed would naturally have a stronger emotional component in it than previous generations, but that doesn't mean that they would be incapable of standing up and making the decisions they need to make to keep the ship upright. So the strategy of the enemy in this day is pretty much out in the open daring us to do something about it.

It's obvious that the road to maturity has many bumps and potholes, and that's all the more reason we as parents (and adults) need to take a more active role in guiding our children (sometime forcefully) through the minefields of life.

I have some update information for you regarding the announced Trauma Prayer e-Course. This has been one of the most technically frustrating experiences we have ever had. We have four laptops, a desktop and an I-pad. None of which will function as a recording device. The audio cards in every laptop either totally died (three of them) or refuses to record the audio that was even remotely acceptable. The I-pad will only record files to a maximum length of 18 minutes.

​The local college has a recording studio with equipment that would have allowed us to record everything, but it got restricted to college employees only this semester. So I have resorting to using my phone exclusively. That comes with its own set of problems, but they are less severe that everything noted above.

​No doubt we have had some level of demonic interference going on that could use some prayer coverage. If the Lord should bring us before you would you consider holding this effort up before the Lord?

​Secondly, we have made a decision to relocate. The brook has dried up and the ravens have forgotten our address of late. That is always a signal for us to ask the Lord, "What's up?  Do we have a heart issue that needs some attention?  Have we made a decision that you aren't pleased with?  Or are you telling us to move somewhere else? (1st Kings 19)"   The bottom line of our personal inquiry is that as soon as we sell the house we will move to the Nashville, Tennessee area.

What this means for our personal ministry is anyone's guess.  We assume that we will be ministering in generally the manner, with a local office somewhere in the Nashville area, and offering several e-courses at the same time. We are not at all sure if there will be as much international travel as there has been in the last three years, but at this point we are open to anything.

​If the Lord should give you some insight about this next season for us, please let us know.

In preparation for the Trauma Prayer E-course I have run into a couple of questions/topics that several people have found important to them, which I will probably not be able to include in the video series. This one is typical of those relies;

"How do you recover from trauma when family members continue to bully you from childhood to adulthood and all you ever hear is to keep on forgiving and be Christian and its not Christian to stay away from family ie; siblings and parents who are the very people who make you feel scared and under attack all the time."  ​Obviously, this issue is more common than you might imagine. So thanks for the heads-up on this.

​The simple answer for this issue (if you are not still a teenager, or a young adult still living under your parent's roof) is establishing appropriate boundaries. There are a couple of issue here that have to be faced and unfortunately, you are the only one that can do this as family members are generally oblivious to the hurt they are causing.

​The natural order of things is that at some point in time, parents must mature from being the director (controller) of a child's life to being a peer that simply provides constructive input. If the parent refuses to enter that role, then the child is left with one of three options; a) just suck it up and continue to take what you get from them, b) exercise your personal right to either cut off or minimize contact with them, or c) tell your parents what behavior they can no longer exhibit toward you and what behavior you expect from them. If they refuse to modify their behavior toward you, then your options are either a or b. Take your pick.

​With siblings, you really only have one choice and that is 'c' from above. Draw a line in the sand so-to-speak. Here is a major truth bomb for you; People can not and will not give you what you want until you tell them what you need. Put the ball in their court. If they choose to continue to berate you, you can choose to no longer have contact with them until they make another choice.

​I can hear the responses already, "Easier said than done!" You would be right, although what other choice do you have?

​The reason all this is a problem for you is that for some reason you have felt that you had no voice, no right to oppose their treatment of you. People will use all manner of means to manipulate you, including supposed Christian principles to attempt to shame you into getting the response they want. Many species also eat their young. In order to survive, the young have to put some distance between them and extinction until they grow to a size and strength that they can defend themselves.  So it's time to ask the Lord what has not developed properly that has kept you in the place with no voice? Where have you given in to fear?

​Let's address this Christianized baloney that says you have to just keep on being abused and continue to forgive the abuse. First of all, our number one charter for living as Christians is to love God and one another. Relationships always hit the rocks when both parties are in love with the same person. A relationship, even one between parents and children, has to have an element of love from each party in order to work. That means that if one party continues to knowingly hurt another, and after being informed of the hurt it is causing, refuses to change, the one being hurt has a decision to make.  Saying you are a Christian and actually acting like one are two separate things.

I want to thank all of you who have responded to my request for topic that you want to make certain were covered in the up-coming E-course on Trauma Prayer. There have been 188 responses with roughly twice that many topics/questions. Thank you so much.

​The one that popped up repeatedly is actually at the foundation of the reason for trauma in the first place and I felt it was so important that I will deal with it here, as well as in the e-course. The following was one such respondents post that is typical of so many of the others;

"God's trauma drama never changes, just repeats itself over and over. Why does God continually allow trauma drama in lives that have already experienced it? Why doesn't God allow trauma drama in the others who never have had it? Does God enjoy repeating the trauma drama effect on the minority whose lives are already broken down? Does God take pleas(ure) in allowing trauma drama in people already hurting to scar them or cause more pain in their lives?"

​Trauma usually happens fairly early in life, primarily before we have developed our cognitive reasoning ability; that which allows to see cause and effect. The enemy (satan and demonic minions) is to blame. His purpose is to alienate you from God by causing you to believe that God was actually the perpetrator - He caused it all. It was His plan because for some reason He hates you. Many folks have believed it, even though there's absolutely no truth in it.  So God IS the problem.

If satan isn't successful with that approach, then he will later give you a few opportunities to believe that God could have protected you from it, but intentionally chose not to, so either way, your troubles are actually God's fault and the full blame is dropped on His doorstep. By default, He becomes the bad guy, even though He had absolutely nothing to do with it.

​When trauma becomes problematic for us personally, and we've had some religious training, or we choose to go to God as a last resort to fix things, and nothing changes, or things get worse, then our original belief system is verified. What I really believe (because my circumstances always tell me the truth) dictates what I can receive. Consequently, my deeply rooted subconscious belief systems will always win over my current conscious desires for healing and deliverance from the oppressiveness of my present circumstances.

​The Trauma Prayer is founded in the fact that the devil is the bad (always) and God is good (always) and that God can and will chose to fix the issues if we ask and choose to cooperate with His prescription. As Derik Prince stated many years ago, "God will deliver you from your enemies, but not your friends." And I hasten to add, "including your screwed up belief systems."

​In short, you have fallen for the belief system of the system of this world - the teaching of the enemy of your soul himself. Until you can get this foundational element of trauma recovery put in place properly, all your remaining days will continue to be filled "trauma drama" because you have been taught not to trust the One who has all your answers.

​Now someone reading this is bound to counter with ... but God is in control. Again making it God's fault, which is precisely where the new age argument originates that states if God is a loving God why is there so much suffering in the world? Once again naming God as the culprit.  That argument has even been extended to say because the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ dealt with all sin, then everyone will eventually go to Heaven. That too is a slap in God's face essentially saying that God thinks it's okay for you to be abused, then tormented over and over. Are you beginning to see the ploy?

​You see, God is not in control of everything. He's only in control of those things we give Him control over. Abusers will only satisfy their anger and lust. They will never surrender control to God, hence the damage we experience. satan is the ruler of this world and he hates God and he hates you because you were God's prized creation sent here to take dominion over satan's rebellious works.

​I pray that God will grant you the grace to repent of this funky belief system and all its various ramifications in your life so that the fullness of His statement in Revelations Chapter 21 may be your, "I am the God that makes ALL thing new. Write this down, for it is faithful and true!"

I have run into several folks in the last couple of months who have become stuck in all areas of their lives; paralyzed might even be a more apt description of where they were. The common thread that they all exhibited is that they thought they heard God's direction, acted on it, and found themselves in a hole they couldn't get out of. The disappointment that each felt was not only real, but confining because now they were both questioning themselves and God too.

​For those of you who have read my book Defeating Jezebel (available on Amazon) you will perhaps recognize disappointment as one of the enemies that are unleashed upon us as a result of a higher order demonic declaration of war against us. We can become a victim of disappointment through all kinds of ways, but most of them are, at least partially, of our own doing; false or excessively high expectations, presumption, choosing to believe unrealistic promises, idealism, or entitlement, among others. Regardless of how it happened, recovering from it, particularly if the effects of it go on for an extended period of time, is not easy because one of the objectives of the attack is to get you to thinking that you can't really hear God, and you are bound to make another bad decision anyway, so why try. When you entertain either of these thoughts more than once you begin to dig the hole a little deeper because hope begins to fade.  Hope is a precious thing that must be guarded. There is always hope that God will sweep in and save the day, however if you have bought one or both of the lies above, then you are in real trouble.

​As noted in the book Defeating Jezebel, the answer is to get God back in the place He used to be in when you were under the fountain of grace that made things flow properly; in short, when you were following peace in spite of all the challenges. For those of you who find yourself in the high weeds with no seeming way of escape, don't delude yourself any longer that you have been doing it right, and just made some kind of error that you can right. Get the book, read it, and put the solution provided in the book into play as quickly as you can. The attack will be crushed soon and you'll be back under that sweet fountain of grace that ushers in peace and security.

For Husbands and Fathers Who are Emotionally Disconnected
Whether it’s family induced trauma, abuse and victimization, the effects of a dysfunctional lifestyle of your family of origin, poor decisions early in adulthood, or simply growing up under parents who were nice but also emotionally unavailable or disconnected, the results are difficult to recognize while we are still single. However, get a few years of marriage under your belt and the impact becomes all too apparent in the relationship.
Meaningful conversation is at the heart of meaningful relationship. Not perfunctory communication, that’s not conversation, that’s transfer of information which does nothing for a relationship. That should be reserved for exchanges at a drive-up window. Communication is an exchange of what you think, and what you want and why you want it, not what you know. These exchanges don’t have to be full of emotion, but they do have to reflect how you feel about issues.  If you can’t or won’t tell your spouse what you need in your relationship, they can’t give it to you.
Meaningful conversation can be very raw and potentially destructive, if you allow it to be. Men who have not been able to converse deeply have seldom spent any time processing their thoughts out loud. Consequently, some of it may come out sounding harsh and condemning. If you are the stifled male, then you are going to have to realize that unprocessed thoughts and emotions may not be received well as you learn how to open up. If you are the female then you are going to have to realize that for a time this will be awkward and even hurtful at times, because they felt they had no power or voice in the past and that always breeds anger. That dynamic often makes people feel that they should quit, for God only knows what else is buried down there, or you choose to try to fix them by becoming their counselor. Neither of these is going to yield what you are looking for.
Two of the biggest problems relationships have today are the invasion of social media through smart-phones, and the pervasive belief that all my time has to be productive. These two have conspired to rob us of the opportunity of time for deep one-on-one personal interaction. You may need to plan a media fast and consider taking an hour walk with each other two or three times a week.

Then there is the tendency to be busy all the time, which is usually the case with emotionally disconnected people. If you are busy all the time then you don’t have time to think about all the painful  stuff that needs to be sorted out in your life. We presume that being busy (productive) is the most highly valued thing in our society. It has also served to become our distraction from thinking about prickly personal issues.  Productivity is certainly king in the work environment, but once you are home you need to pick up the things that are productive relationally, and being busy doing chores doesn’t fit into that values set; hence embracing the exercise of walking and talking.

For the last 17 years my wife and I have made it a habit of going to receive ministry every year to 18 months. My most recent ministry trip was for a session in Nashville, TN. During the session I had the image in my mind’s eye of Jesus standing to my right tossing some small keys up and catching them, like so much small change. I asked Him what they were. He said, “They’re keys to parts of your heart that you have reserved for yourself.”  Curious, I asked, “What is the largest of the keys to?”  Immediately I had a memory. The memory that came up was from about 20 or 25 years ago, in which my wife would periodically say to me, “You have to protect me!  Why won’t you protect me?” I could never figure out who, or what was attacking her, because nothing was that I could see. Eventually I asked her, “From what?”  Instantly I now understood why she felt and said what she did.  Due to what I have obviously felt was a crappy childhood, I apparently locked up a portion of my heart to protect it against feeling any more pain. The result was that although Pat couldn’t articulate what she felt, she knew that there was a part of me that she couldn’t have, and that made her feel unsafe. I needed to know this 25 or more years ago. But if you don't ask, you don't get and answer.  If you don't seek, you won't find.

Folks, we always have a reason for the way we conduct our relationships. Unfortunately, we are totally unaware of them, or how many of our actions impact our spouse. King David said in Psalms 139, “Search me and know me. See if there be any wicked way in me.”  I think that what he was saying to God was, “Look, you know I’ve been faithful to deal with the stuff you’ve shown me, but I can’t resolve the things I can’t see. Show me the hidden motivations of my heart.”

Intentionally attempting deep conversation is often the doorway that begins to deal with the hidden motivations of our heart that have caused us to be emotionally unavailable or disconnected from those we love. 

It’s time for your walk now.